Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now