I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I don't deserve a penis
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
