the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog