He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls