I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting