I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
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The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
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That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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