Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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