D3 body, D1 cock
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
