And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
