How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
