a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
