uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
birth control should be required to get into college
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
