They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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