24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
