Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
