Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
