You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
