Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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