Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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