South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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