Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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