so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
