it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
