Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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