I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
