she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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