I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
we're making bets on your personal life
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
