I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
