My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
