xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
