I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
