I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize