I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
