So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
