Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
