I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
