I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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