I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
how does that bad decision feel?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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