Pants 0. Shit 1.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
