i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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