yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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