Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
