Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
