I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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