somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
