he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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