Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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