I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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