I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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