Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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