so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
