I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
