Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
