I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
