I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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