Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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