i was born a porn star she said
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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