I wish I could punch you in the face.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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