I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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