I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
my being single is dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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