i was born a porn star she said
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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