grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
