Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
