at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
