y did u give ur computer a hand job?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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