So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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