areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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