xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
