My first STD was from a foam party
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
