the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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