Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize