Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She needs sedatives and a leash
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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