What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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