All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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