I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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