Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
