My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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