guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
