3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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