Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
