My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
