My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
