Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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