It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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