my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
No...this little piggys going to the bar
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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