and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
