ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
